


loved up bruise

by theskyfelldown



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, They Come Back To Each Other Cause Theyre True Loves, that should be a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 10:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12933387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyfelldown/pseuds/theskyfelldown
Summary: Nick leaves Louis. Louis leaves Nick. It’s a matter of time before they realize what they’ve done.





	loved up bruise

**Author's Note:**

> **title from dua lipa’s bad together**
> 
> **dedicated to kristine, sara and rit. (PSA: I LOVE YALL) the tomlinshaw is for kris and sara and the zarry is for rit because it was the only way i could make her read this**  
> 
> **clearly not betaed. also a quick side note that i alternate between tenses**  
> 
> **come say hi[twitter](https://twitter.com/aiioutshirt/) [tumblr](thebloodychambrs.tumblr.com/) **

Louis Tomlinson’s day starts like no other.

He drinks a fresh cup of coffee, having to give up tea five years ago because the caffeine didn’t do justice for his terrible schedule. He heads over to the studio where he worked tirelessly as a personal assistant to Harry Styles who had once been a rising pop star who had given up his dreams in a pursuit to raise recording studio standards.

Louis thinks Harry had lost all his confidence of pursing his dreams after a horrific incident at a performance years before Louis was born (circa 2014) but that was neither here nor there. Louis couldn’t bring himself to Google it so he never did and what Harry and he shared was strictly a work relationship so he never asked.

Louis then had to help Harry work across his schedule, arrange meetings, make shitty cups of coffee that had to take every bit of Louis not to throw at his computer monitor, nod through Harry’s awful pun-ny jokes (God, what was Harry doing to him?), leave at six PM and reside to his semi-awful apartment in the semi-awful neighbourhood of London. Louis would drop his bag at the door, lock the door behind him, feed his dog Bruce, switch on the TV, call for some takeout, e-mail his mother who was probably either in the Himalayas or the Andes mountains and open the door for his takeout, eat his takeout, try to finish his book for a week and then sleep.

All in all, Louis never realized how lonely his life had been until Harry’s boyfriend Zayn Malik dropped in work.

“Is Harry here?”

Louis looked up from his intense game of Minesweeper and blushed only a little when Zayn took a look at his monitor and rose an eyebrow. “Uh, no, he just headed out. He’ll be back by fifteen.”

“Cool.” Zayn said and took a seat in front of Louis’ desk.

Louis had absolutely no idea what to do. He’d only shared three words with Zayn the whole six months he’d been dating Harry. Zayn with his platinum dyed hair, three earrings in one ear and leather jacket had been every stereotypical bad boy shoved into one person but there was something about his warm eyes that made Louis feel weird all over.

“You could head in Harry’s office, you know, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“Nah,” Zayn smiled, “I don’t like it much without him.”

Despite himself, Louis smiled back. He’s not sure whether he’s supposed to say it but he says it anyway, “You guys are really cute together.”

“Thanks, love.” Zayn grinned. He shifted in his seat and turned to Louis. He puts his hands on the arm rest and balances his chin on his palm, “Hey, um, I’ve been meaning to ask you something and I’m not sure if its work etiquette or anything but – my friend’s having a party tonight and I’m supposed to bring a plus one so.”

Louis’ eyebrows had rose to his hairline. “Isn’t Harry your boyfriend?”

Zayn laughed, “Don’t worry, he’s coming with me. We’re strictly supposed to bring someone and I was just wondering.”

Louis clicked his mouse over his desktop aimlessly. His desktop picture was a picture of Bruce with his tongue out. Was his boss’ boyfriend really trying to have Louis pick up a social life of his own? Had Louis finally reached a whole new level of pathetic that everyone around him could finally sense it?

 “So, are you free tonight?”

Louis looks up and realizes he’s never even answered Zayn. He nods, thinking _fuck it_ , “Yeah, I’m free.”

Zayn grins and Louis smiles back, realizes he’s already fucked and there’s no way he could get out of this.

There are a thousand ways to be lonely but Louis realizes, this by far, was the worst.

* 

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

Louis whirls around. Niall’s sprawled across the couch, legs over the arm rest. He’s got his hand stuffed into a large bag of Doritos and Louis’ fairly sure he can spot a couple of crumbs dotting his face, like some sort of weird orange beard.

“I’m wearing my suit. It’s a fancy party.” Louis says slowly. Zayn had told him to dress fancy. Louis had made sure to ask him whether it was a casual party twice to which Zayn had replied the affirmative (twice). “Also thanks for watching over Bruce.”

“I didn’t come here to watch over Bruce, I came here to see you and then you made me watch over Bruce.” Bruce makes a dejected noise over from where’s he’s sitting on Louis’ one-piece sofa. Louis can’t ever get him off the sofa, no matter how hard he tries. He has the worst time hoovering. “Sorry, pal, you know I love you.” He turns to Louis, “Anyway you’ve got all your hair sexily mussed up. You’re trying to pull.”

Louis’ spluttered, “What the fuck, Niall, I am not –”

“It’s fine.” Niall wipes a hand over his mouth and grins, “I’m happy for you, just message me before so I can leave with Bruce.”

Louis’ face feels like it’s on fire. He’s definitely got his hair all mussed up for a reason. He knows he looks good with his hair like that. And he’s definitely trying to pull. He’s sick and tired of being lonely; he feels even worse going without sex for months and even worse about having his boss’ boyfriend trying to help him so he decided he’s had enough.

“Shut up.” Louis says, “I’ll be back before ten.”

“Absolutely not, I won’t open the door.” Niall says from where he’s sitting. “Have fun, asshole.”

Louis closes the door behind him and decidedly chooses to ignore Niall.

 *

Louis regrets everything.

He’d been handed a mask at the front door (a Spider man one, the kind you could find in any store with the eyes cut out) and a pink drink with a little umbrella and the girl at the door had made Louis wear his mask. He wondered how he’d drink his fruity beverage. The girl at the door (who was wearing a Wonder Woman mask) took a polaroid of Louis (which Louis definitely hadn’t been ready for) and then two seconds later, he realized he was in his fucking ex’s apartment.

So all in all, Louis’ night was not going exactly as he had planned and the drink in his hand was fucking awful.

He’d tried to leave immediately till he realized the girl at the door was Pixie, one of Nick’s closest friends and she shook his head at him and Louis realized there was no way in hell he was getting out of there anytime soon.

Louis stepped into Nick’s apartment before someone could push him. The apartment was stripped bare, all of Nick’s furniture gone. Louis wondered where Pig was (he’d seen the Instagram post of Nick and Pig and tried not to have his heart clench at how soft Nick looked) and then started to panic wondering where Nick was till he felt a tap at his shoulder.

Louis whirled around. For a moment, he was afraid that it was Nick but it was just Zayn and Harry; Zayn who was wearing a Batman mask but was easily identifiable because of his brown eyes and Harry who was wearing a Green Lantern mask and had all his hair tied up.

“Sick party, isn’t it?” Zayn grinned and Louis shook his head.

“Isn’t this Nick’s apartment? Nick Grimshaw?”

“Ah, so you’re a fan then?” Harry asks, grinning. Zayn looks at him and rubs their noses together. God, Louis hates drunk couples sickeningly in love with each other. He hates his situation.

“No, I’m not a fucking fan.” He knows he’s talking to his boss and he should tone it down but God, is he frustrated. All he wanted was to have a fun night and a boy to take home and here he is in the one place he’d never ever wanted to be forever. “I’m his fucking ex.”

Zayn and Harry suddenly turned pale; Louis could see it, even behind their masks. “Shit.” Harry said, “You’re _Louis_ , aren’t you?” He said Louis, like it meant something.

“You knew?” Zayn asked, his voice high.

“No, I never made the connection.” Harry continued, panicked. “I mean Nick never told me your last name, he just said Louis and I didn’t know – god, I’m so fucking sorry, Louis.”

“It’s fine.” It was decidedly not fine, in the least. Louis just wanted to get the fuck out of here without seeing Nick. He’d gone months without seeing him, months without seeing his face, months without thinking how soft his lips had been under Louis’ and he was _fine_. He was great. His heart certainly didn’t clench at the mere thought of knowing how Nick had talked of him to Harry. He didn’t think of what Nick could have said about them. “I’m fine, really.”

Zayn and Harry didn’t look convinced and it was that, exactly that, what made Louis want to head over to the kitchen. “I just –” Louis’ throat was dry, “I need a beer and then I’ll leave.”

Zayn and Harry moved together so Louis could spot the kitchen from where they stood. Louis certainly didn’t think of Nick cooking and Louis weaving his arms around him and smelling him and Nick laughing. He was past that. He’d worked hard through the months to never think of that ever again but here was standing in the middle of Nick’s fucking apartment, with all his fucking memories just rushing back so fast it made Louis’ knees weak. He needed a fucking drink.

But before he could move, before he could stop himself. He asked, “Where’s Nick?”

“In the bathroom, I think. He’s been there for ages.” Harry answered, “Are you sure –”

“I’m fine.” Louis cut him off. It was odd talking to Harry like this. What they shared was nothing but a strict workplace relationship. They’d only talked about their weekends only once. “Is he – you know – okay?”

“Yeah.” Was all what Harry said and he didn’t stress on it and it worried Louis because it had been months, of course but Nick was never one to stow himself in his bathroom at his own party.

“If there’s anything, you want, we’re here.” Zayn’s eyes look so earnest and his hand was on Louis’ arm and Louis wanted to shake him off, saying they’d already done damage but it wasn’t their fault.

“Thanks.” Louis said and took his arm away and made his way into the kitchen and tried so fucking hard not to think of what he’d done, the last time he was here.

Louis opened the refrigerator and tried not to scoff. Nick’s god awful selection of food hadn’t certainly changed. Louis took out a beer, pulled the tab and took away his Spiderman mask off before he took three gulps. Everyone in the party was dressed well; all dinner jackets and silk dresses with comic character masks. Louis didn’t even want to think of what Nick had been thinking when he planned the party. They’d been serving punch with cups Louis had last seen on his friends’ sixth superhero themed birthday party.

He had to find Nick. He didn’t know why. He’d refrained himself from ever calling Nick for the past months. He’d deleted his number off his phone which had been pointless because he’d learned Nick’s number before his own. But he knew there was something wrong. Nick wouldn’t ever lock himself in his bathroom when he had a party to host.

Louis took the last sip of his beer and tossed it into the trashcan. There was a couple, practically trying to melt each other’s mouths off in the kitchen and Louis grimaced to himself. Nick would have hated seeing anyone than himself making out with someone in his kitchen.

Louis shook his head to himself. This wasn’t anything else but making sure Nick was okay. That was all.

 *

It wasn’t difficult to find Nick.

Considering there was only a single bathroom in the entire apartment, all Louis did was open the bathroom and get in. His plan was to pretend like he didn’t know Nick was in the bathroom because it would be easier.

Nick was literally lying in the tub. He was wearing a suit like Louis except the first few buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned and he had a bottle of vodka in his hand that he kept taking sips out of. His quiff had wilted and there was hair all over his eyes. He looked every bit of handsome that he did when they first dated. It hurt Louis to see him.

He didn’t look up from his bottle, “This bathroom is clearly in use.” He says, obviously drunk, words slurring against each other.

“Nick?” Louis called out and his voice was every bit of shocked he wanted it to be but it wasn’t acting.

“Louis?” Nick’s tone was startled.

“Hey.” Louis said and he didn’t have to pretend to be shocked because when he stepped closer he saw how pale Nick looked like. And maybe it was the bathroom light but he looked gaunter and less well kept than the last time he’d seen him.

“What are – what are you doing here?” Nick struggled to sit. Louis rushed forward and help him. Nick was drunk, judging by the smell of his breath but he also never looked more sober.

“Bit of an accident.” Louis tried to laugh it off but it sounded strained. He helped Nick sit up and backed away. It hurt to even stay near him and Louis knew that no matter how hard he had tried, he still wasn’t over Nick. His efforts had been futile.

“An accident?”

“Zayn and Harry invited me over here – they didn’t know that we – that we were together.” It hurt even to say it. How could Louis have ever thought he was over Nick? He’d been a fool.

“So you didn’t come here on purpose?” Louis might have been reaching but there was something in Nick’s eyes that looked like dejection.

“No – no but I wanted to.” Louis said, suddenly feeling brave. He’d blamed it on the shitty can of beer but it was him talking. He had been dying to say this forever. “I wanted to come here.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” Louis said, frustrated. “I don’t know – I wanted to see you. Missed you.”

Nick bites his lip, “You can’t just say things like that anymore.”

“I know.” Louis sighs and closes the door behind him. The party in Nick’s apartment feels like a complete universe away. He takes a seat on the toilet and thinks about how awfully sad his situation is and wants to wallow in self-pity more but he sees Nick looking at him and his heart flips. “I’m sorry. I know I don’t have any right to.”

“You don’t.” But Nick doesn’t sound mad even though he should be. Because it’s Louis’ fault they’re both here, “And neither do I but I’ve missed you too, just so you know.”

“I know.” Louis says, “I don’t regret what we chose but it doesn’t feel right without you.”

“Yeah.” Nick says. There’s a look in his eye that doesn’t make feel Louis feel right but before Louis can ask, Nick raises himself up from his sad looking bath tub and grins at Louis. Louis mentally kicks himself when his heart starts to rabbit.

“Let’s find Harry and Zayn.”

 *

They find Zayn and Harry in the balcony. They were both sharing a cigarette together and Louis felt his fingers twitch in the desperate need for one. He’d just given up smoking a few weeks back and although, it had been one of his greatest accomplishments, he would willingly do anything at that very moment to get one.  

“Nick! Louis!” Zayn says, voice awfully high pitched when they hear Louis slide the glass door behind them. Louis and Nick look at each other and share a smile. It feels like old times. “I’m so sorry, we had no idea, we’re so _sorry_ –”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Louis cuts him off. It isn’t Zayn’s fault that he’d ended up in Nick’s. In a way, it felt like the universe was telling him to fix whatever it was between Nick and himself. He hated the way he left off things. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

Harry, who hadn’t said anything at all, took a drag off his cigarette, smoke curling out of his lips. He smiled at Louis. “I didn’t know you where Nick’s Louis.”

 _Nick’s Louis._ Louis’ heart clenched. He was Nick’s once just like Nick had been his. But that was a long time ago and they’d both come a long way, no matter how much he wanted to go back to who they were.

“But then again, I don’t know much about you, so you can’t really blame me.” Harry winks. Zayn elbows him in the ribs. “What?” He asks Zayn, a little offended. “It’s true.”

“It’s not his fault,” Louis assures Zayn. Besides him, Nick takes out a cigarette. The urge for a cigarette gets worse. Nick lights his own and takes a drag before passing it on to Louis wordlessly. Louis smiles to him and feels his heart beat faster before he takes a drag and sighed out loud. Fuck, he missed smoking.

“I thought you quit smoking.” Harry comments. “You refused one every time I tried to give you one.”

“ _You quit smoking_?” Nick asks.

“Uh.” Louis blinks. He turns to Nick who stills looks shocked, “Yeah, I did quit smoking.”

“There’s a cigarette literally in your hand right now.” Zayn puts in, not helpfully.

“Cut me some slack, it’s a stressful moment.” Louis snaps before he freezes realizing who he’s talking to.

But all Zayn does is laugh, “I can’t even imagine.” Zayn says. “Next time, I’ll tell you who the host is.”

Louis smiles but says nothing because he knows there wouldn’t be a next time.

“Do we have to leave you two love birds alone?” Harry asks and Zayn elbows him again. This time harder, again in the ribs. Louis mentally thanks him.

“Not love birds.” Louis says.

“Sure.” Nick says, at the same time.

They look at each other. There’s so much Louis wants to say but he has no idea where to begin.

“Right,” Harry says and drops his cigarette. He stomps on it with the heel of his boot and kisses Zayn before he puts his mask on and Zayn does the same. Then they leave, allowing Nick and Louis to finally be alone and just look at each other.

“You might not regret your choice,” Nick says carefully, “But I regret mine.”

Louis’ heart rate accelerates. He wills himself to calm down, “What do you mean you regret it?”

Nick plucks out the cigarette from his fingers and takes a drag. Louis misses just looking at him. He misses him so much. “I meant what I said; I miss you but most importantly, I miss being with you.”

“Nick, you know we can’t just –”

“But why not, Louis? We’ve grown as people, Louis, we’ve changed over the few months and I know why we broke up the last time and I understand and I don’t even care if I can’t go shouting on the fucking rooftops that we’re together. I just want you.”

“Nick—” Louis says, and his voice sounds like he’s fucking choking and it snaps Nick to his senses. Louis sees him shake his head to himself and take another drag long enough for him to finish the cigarette in one quick motion.

“I’m sorry.” Nick says.

“Don’t you dare apologise.” Louis says, “It’s not your fucking fault.”

And it’s almost like Nick knows what he’s thinking. Because he looks at Louis and says carefully, “It’s not yours either.”

“But it was, wasn’t it?” Louis asks desperately, “Maybe, if I had been more willing to come out –”

“Are you kidding me?” Nick snaps, “It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t want to come out – it – Jesus, Louis, I hate that you ever thought that –”

“But it’s true!” Louis retorts. “It’s exactly what broke us apart! Tell me it wasn’t. Tell me it wasn’t one of the sole reasons why we broke up.”

“Louis,” Nick says, voice pained. And Louis knows that he’s right.

“It’s okay.” Louis says. “I get it. You were looking for something more and I couldn’t give it to you.”

“I don’t care about that anymore. These past few months, Louis, they’ve been hell.” Louis’ heart contracts because he’s felt the same for months like he’d been trodden on and bruised. “And it just – it was a fucking eye opener. It doesn’t matter if I have you, Lou.”

“What broke us apart hasn’t changed, Nick, it hasn’t – not one bit.” Louis says, shaking his head. “I’m still scared.”

“I know and it doesn’t matter.” Nick says and he takes his hands in Louis and no matter how bad Louis wants to say yes, he knows this isn’t some sort of fucking fairy tale.

“But it should.” Louis says, “It should matter. Because I can’t give you what you want.”

“But you can try.”

Louis shakes his head, “I can’t.”

“She loves you, Lou.” Nick says desperately, “She loves you no matter what.”

Louis wrenches his hands away from Nick and he feels cold all over, “I can’t do it.”

“Lou,” Louis looks at him, sees the eyes he still loves, “I love you alright? And I’ll be right with you no matter what. She loves you. She’s your mother, Lou. She knows how important it is for you.”

“It’ll take time, Nick.” Louis says, “And I can’t do that to you. It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve that.”

“You can’t tell me what I deserve and I’ll stay – I don’t care how long it takes.” Nick says and god, Louis wants him so fucking bad. He wants to be how they were before but he knows they’ll never go back to that. “I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.” Louis whispers and Louis looks at him and Nick leans forward and Louis thinks this is it.

The kiss is like every other kiss. There’s no fireworks exploding off in the distance or fiery dragons roaring in his stomach but it’s everything Louis’ ever wanted and wants to have. Nick’s lips are as soft as they were under his and Louis opens his mouth and Nick’s tongue slides in and Nick’s hand is gentle on Louis’ waist and Louis thinks that it couldn’t get any better before he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against Louis’.

“I love you so much.” Nick whispers.

Louis smiles. “I know.”

He feels like the fucking Sun’s exploding in his chest, all bright and warm. He’s never loved anyone so much and he feels like a fool, for being so far away from Nick for so long and he feels scared, terrified of what the future has in store for them but he shakes his head. Because Nick’s right in front of him and he loves him the same way Louis does and things couldn’t be any better.

It feels like the beginning of something and Louis can’t bring himself to wait.

 

_**fin** _

 

 


End file.
